living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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