He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
