That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize