Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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