Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
