this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love you. Go after that dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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