I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize