Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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