he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
pray to the hookup gods
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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