I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize