this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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