so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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