I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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