About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
