Moan for me like Helen Keller
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
