it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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