I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
