I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
