a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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