i barfeds in our rink
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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