I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
