when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Life is so much better after having sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
