trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
