u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize