I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
