I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize