Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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