it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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