FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
