so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
