She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
