The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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