I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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