i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize