She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
