so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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