Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
