porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
