You really coming over, don't trick.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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