Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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