Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
