Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is wine microwaveable?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
