This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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