someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
