sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize