I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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