apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
