addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
