Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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