PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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