I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
