This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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