So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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