are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
