I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize