Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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