Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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