So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
