oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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