i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have fence marks all over my body
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
