My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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