I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
