My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't turn off my feet"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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