So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
