idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
