Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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