Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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