Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
