Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
