i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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