I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
