dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
