He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
