i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
