She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
