did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
