Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
