If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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