The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize