Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
