I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
