why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
