apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
