omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
