If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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