someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am available for nakedness
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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