overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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