just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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