If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
