forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize