My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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