Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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