Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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