Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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