The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
