I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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