Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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