ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
