You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
