I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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