soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
