You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
