the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
