in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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