it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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