I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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