The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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