About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
