I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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