idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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