Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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