ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
