If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
