i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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