I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
