he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
