She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
