My friends, they love my intelligence
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
