I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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